January 23, 2018

Glazier’s Log : The Pitchfork Burglar

PitchforkTrauma counseling. Now that’s another skill we glaziers develop on the job. I frequently encounter dazed and distraught customers after they have had a break-in.

Take the other night for example. An opportunist burglar, having spied through the uncurtained windows of the house a set of car keys and purse casually left on the top of the sideboard, sneaked up the drive into the unlocked garage and chose for his tool a sturdy pitchfork. While the family were enjoying their dinner, he struck the glass in the sliding door until it shattered and, bold as brass, marched in, grabbed the car keys and purse, and left: apparently without a word. The family were completely stunned and cowed by his intimidating presence and aggressive demeanor. They did nothing – even as they heard him drive off in their car.

When I arrived they were still in a state of shock and I had to curb my tendency to look on the humorous side. As I went about my work I chatted with them sympathetically, and encouraged them to be optimistic. Later, choosing my words carefully, I gave them a few good pointers on basic security while promoting our range of superior laminated security glass – the ultimate being Lamguard. The police had been less sympathetic, more keen to track down and apprehend the offender.

We all tend to become a little casual about where we leave our keys (and sometimes money). There is no need for us to make it easy or tempting for the criminally inclined. A little thought and cunning can be enough sometimes to deter an opportunist thief.

Funny though, when I returned to my truck which I had left parked outside the house, my toolbox had been emptied.

I’d forgotten to put the lock back on. I must remember to practice what I preach.

I must remember to . . . . I must remember . . . .


Glazier’s Log : The Pick-up

Caz - the night dreamer Early a.m.  I see the muzzle flash and the bullet whirrs past my right ear. An explosion of broken glass behind me reminds me they need to upgrade that door panel to our LamGuard Security Glass. Diving to the floor I pull my weapon and roll to the left, firing four rounds at the flash as I stop, feet and elbows splayed. I hear a scream, then a cough. I crawl to where I dropped my torch and illuminate a scene of devastation. I scrunch over the broken, shattered glass. But where are the bodies? Suddenly, there’s a hideous screeching sound. Wha  . . . ? Aha. It’s my cell phone. I had nodded off again. I am called to secure a large window in a popular shopping strip. Some stupid accident. My truck comes to life with me. I slip in a Powderfinger CD, turn up the volume and purr off along the empty streets of Perth, the night’s litter fluttering in my wake.

The story – as told by the astonished driver to the cynical security guard, and retold to this even more cynical glazier – was that the “drive through” coffee he’d been nursing as he drove away had burnt his lips, causing him to spill it on his lap, which caused him to . . .  Well, you know how it goes: Distracted by the need to cool his goolies, he pulls the wheel sharply over, mounts the footpath, takes out a rubbish bin and manages to stop with only one front wheel in the actual shop. A life-like shop dummy draped in a slinky designer dress lies suggestively across his bonnet.

Scattered glass fragments lie thick, dressing the scene like snow flakes. Good stuff that Safety Glass, no jagged shards. Even her dress – hiked up and revealing – isn’t cut.

Excessive alcohol consumption may have been a contributing factor. The police are having a quiet word to him as I arrive and the breathalyser is being prepared. “You’re gone mister” I mutter to myself, and start boarding up the gaping shopfront.

After cleaning up the site, I cruise away into the dawn, job done. Our glaziers will have that shopfront like new before lunch time. My favourite track comes on. I crank up the volume and look at my new passenger for approval. She stares woodenly ahead, her nakedness a distraction.

Damn, I should have asked for the dress as well…..